she sits cross-legged across the table, sipping red wine for an after dinner conversation. what’s in a kiss? she says, then blows a thin line of marlboro smoke. what the hell do you need it for? i dunno, i just badly need one right now. im getting old you know. why don’t you kiss him? i dont wanna complicate things with him. it’s bad as it is. i want it to remain that way. i think she just wants affection. we all want affection. ahaha so that’s it. give me your hand, he holds her right hand, there, that’s affection. nah, not from you. she gives the cigarette back to him. there you go, realizations of a woman: being successful at 24 makes you look for affection, french kisses and probably, sex.

what does he want? she repeats the question again, as she grabs a pole in rush-hour mrt with her right hand. he calls me everyday, texts me mushy things, hugs me when we meet.. what does all these mean? why don’t you ask him? you know i can’t. i’m leaving in a couple of days. it would be unfair for both of us. isn’t it worth fighting for? waaah you know what last night? he called me again. he asked me why i hang around with these guys often. i told him they’re my friends. i can feel his concern. i know he has feelings for me. and he knows i have feelings for him. but why can’t he say something? what does he want? she repeats the question again, this time her two hands found their way on the pole. you dont have to look in order to find it. follow what your heart feels. like the poles in this crowded mrt, you know it’s there. see, you’re holding tight to it and you’re keeping it to yourself. don’t let go of it, you might lose that spot to someone else.

»read more from "twenty somethings"

he stares into the dark fields of nueva ecija, pondering on his little life. in the horizon, the distant lights from a sleepy town meets the magnificient display of stars of that cloudless night. he was on a trip to cabanatuan city, to attend his friend’s wedding. heaven meets earth here, he sighs. nah, for you my friend, heavens meets hell here. a condescending smile forms on his lips. my greatest fear is not hell, i have accepted the fact i probably belong there. it amazes him how he said it, it was so matter-of-factly. hey, go easy on yourself, i might just believe you. allright, it’s not hell. you’re afraid coz you don’t know how to get there. take it from him, marriage is not hell. you can make it feel like heaven. it’s that thin line of lights that blurs in the horizon. as you’ve said, it is where heaven meets earth.

she pants heavily. her hair blown by heavy breaths. too tired to care. she looks into my eyes. i can see her soul. i give her a kiss. i tell her it’s allright. i’m not here to take it. i love you, she says. oh no, careful. be careful with that. im not here to take it. i’m not here to give it. it’s a one-night thing. don’t tie me up. dont cover my eyes. i can’t love you if i can’t see you. sweat runs down her passion-filled body. i wipe it off tenderly. i’m your one night fantasy. tears run down her cheeks in confusion. i’m so sorry, i tell her. it’s my game. i made the rules. i’ll win all the time.

another one bites the dust.

at last, after several years, we’ve had enough of crepes and sisig. we marched down to a quiet and cozy place somewhere in quezon city to do what we do best: talk about ourselves. he got iced coffee, and once again perpetually praised his girl. he got capuccino, dropped 2 teaspoons of sugar into it, and smiled a big-eyed one as he listened to his stories. he got mango shake and survived much ridicule from us. he sinks into deep thought as he sings along with the lady vocalist. she got vodka. downed two shots of it. she still thinks she got it all figured out. and, i, i got my same old san mig light and enjoyed their company. things are changing. he’s shifting into a new career, he’s leaving for the US, he’s in love, she’s drinking, and i, i dont know. im probably changing too. im in the doldrums, the only way is up. yup, things are changing. thank god we have each other.

the lady vocalist gives me a sleepy look. she smiles as she gyrates on the mic stand. i smile back, and whispered loudly. thank you, i said. she smiles back… ahh i’ve found comfort in beer and good music. the beer tells me, she’s telling me, i’ll be allright. and i believe it.

»read more from "turning 25"

You and me
Meant to be
Immutable
Impossible
It’s destiny
Pure lunacy
Incalculable
Insufferable
But for the last time
You’re everything that I want and ask for
You’re all that I’d dreamed
Who wouldn’t be the one you love
Who wouldn’t stand inside your love
Protected and the lover of
A pure soul and beautiful you
Don’t understand
Don’t feel me now
I will breathe
For the both of us
Travel the world
Traverse the skies
Your home is here
Within my heart
And for the first time
I feel as though I am reborn
In my mind
Recast as child and mystic sage
Who wouldn’t be the one you love
Who wouldn’t stand inside your love
And for the first time
I’m telling you how much I need and bleed for
Your every move and waking sound
In my time
I’ll wrap my wire around your heart and your mind
You’re mine forever now
Who wouldn’t be the one you love and live for
Who wouldn’t stand inside your love and die for
Who wouldn’t be the one you love

smashing pumpkins

»read more from "song of the moment"