what they dont know is that sometimes it gets so lonely out here.. it scares the hell out of me. the city is supposed to give you options for life and that having nothing to do should not be an excuse. but boredom creeps in at the most unexpected hours, like when youre about to sleep. you begin to think of the days to come and you make plans to keep yourself busy but you only get disappointed coz there’s not much to do. youve been there and youve done all that crap so you get out of your bed, light a cigarette and open a bottle of beer and wish you were in a place somewhere in the heart of the city banging your head to the sound of the beat. the next day you dress up for the night and you find yourself in the heart of the city banging to the loud beat, bottle of beer on one hand, a cigarette on the other and then minutes later you get bored coz youre alone and you wish you were on your bed sound asleep. such irony, i cant comprehend. sometimes on your way to work your mind drifts to a place you’ve always dreamed of, like the shores of a hidden beach somewhere in the pacific and you wish you had a glass of wine for company. the heat burns your skin but you dont mind coz you enjoy the sight and there’s no one there to bother you with credit card bills and phatic phone calls from people who pretend theyre your friends but are only interested in themselves. you dream of things while at work and mostly it’s about getting the hell out of the city to some place nice and quiet. then later you realize you are chained to the system that feeds you and that there’s no way out of the prison you made for yourself. that prison is our power to choose. we are bounded by our freedom. there are millions to choose from, and we cant even choose one.
my friend tells me to take risks. that in order to be free i have to break away from the chain of choices that i have. i think she’s right. i’m learning spanish tomorrow.
btw, i took that pic late 2003 in a beach in san agustin, surigao del sur.
posted Monday, 2 August 2004
